Shodai’s Blog, August 11, 2009 9:04 AM Playas de Tijuana, Baja California, México

Shodai’s Blog, August 11, 2009 9:04 AM Playas de Tijuana, Baja California, México

Shiken haramitsu daikomyo!

Good morning children! Today I thought I would try to upload some pictures I have on the computer so you could see us all together. I have pictures from when we all still lived in San Diego, pictures from the first house in Tijuana, pictures from the second house and with Ninja (your pet ferret), pictures from the third house, and I think pictures from the fourth house. I even have pictures from when we went to the zoo!

Today I am very tired. I stayed up late watching a movie called “The Missing” – you have seen it with me – and I had to get up early. I have not been to the beach in a long time, perhaps because it makes me sad to go there since the last times we went together. Do you guys remember how we used to go to the beach to look for “Oyabun signs”? Wasn’t that so cool! I loved the way we would live out the stories in the real world. Those are very special stories, filled with magic and love and wisdom, stories that I promise with write down and have for you guys one day.

Today I have to go across the border. Lately I have been going on foot because I cannot afford to pay the registration on my car so I cannot cross in the X-Terra. I have mail to send. Part of the mail has to do with the Court action in which I am still fighting to get the right to see you guys. The last time I saw you guys on webcam was at Alex’s eighth birthday; I tried to show you guys a video of how you were acting in the webcam sessions. Your mother cancelled all the webcam sessions because she realized that I had been filming them so you – and the Judge – could someday see what was happening. Well, I knew that the Court would keep you away from me for a while – just like the wicked witch Endora captured Amarok and Tatanka – so I filmed a video in which I was talking to you guys to explain to you some very important things. I am going to put the video here so you guys can see me and know that I never stopped loving you, or fighting for you, and that if we are not seeing each other it is because the Courts and your mother have acted to prevent it, and they are wrong. I will upload that video that was filmed in February 2009 to the Internet so I can attach it here to this Blog and you can see it and you can know, without a doubt, what was going on.

Sometimes we are confronted with evil that is simply masked as love and goodness when all along it is selfishness; sometimes the laws are simply unjust and unfair, and do not serve to make the world a better place, only to give people that are rich more rights over the poor. On those occasions and in those situations, the righteous – like Samurai Jack – or like Chief Pappis – have an obligation to battle evil with all their might, even if they are wounded, terribly in the battle. That is the essence, the most important thing, about being a warrior. Let me tell you a story about something that really happened a long time ago, so you can understand. There was a war in Spain, a war between the good people and the rich people who wanted to oppress them and exploit them – like the Pharaoh did with the Israelites. The evil people had captured a son of a general for the good people. The general for the good people had his army in a castle, and important position for the good-people’s war. The evil ones knew that the general loved his son very, very much, so they captured him and tortured him, then they called the general on the phone and said to him, “if you don’t surrender your army to us and give up the castle we will kill your son.” This was very painful for the general, and he said, “Let me speak to my son.” They put his son on the phone and the general said, “Son, I love you very, very much. Goodbye my son and make your peace with God,” and then the evil people killed the son. You see, even though the general loved his son more than anything else in the world, he also knew that many other fathers and mother loved their children just as much, and that if he gave up his position to save his son and surrendered, the evil people would take advantage and his the sons and daughters of many other fathers and mothers. He also knew that the evil people would not keep their promise and that they would kill his son anyway, even if he did surrender his army and his position, and that they would probably kill all of his men.

Sometimes in order to fight for what you know to be right you have to be willing to sacrifice the things you love most; but when this happens, when someone or something is trying to make you do something wrong and is willing to use your love for someone against you, like a weakness, then they are so truly evil, that you cannot trust them anyway. In such situations you know that you must fight on and not give in to your fears. This is what it means to be truly brave my children, when evil challenges you and threatens to hurt what you care for the most.

Alex, one day you asked me what I was most afraid of, do you remember? I think you do. And I said “not being there to protect my children when they need me.” Do you remember what you said? You said, “I knew that about you.” If you knew that about me then you know that I love you. Nothing hurt me more in my life then what happened to you with those boys other than the fact that I was not told for days about it and you were not allowed to tell me. When that happened I became very sick, but I had to face that fear. When you face your fears and survive them you become stronger. I became very strong as a result of all of that. Nothing is more painful then not being allowed to see you guys, but what had been done to keep me from seeing you is even more wrong then what allowed those boys to hurt you, and what kept you from telling me about what happened. Part of the problem is that no one believes you Alex in what you told me was happening with those boys. This is from an email your mother sent me:

From: Shawna Dolansky

To: pstaley@paulstaley.com

Sent: Thursday, March 8, 2007 2:58:49 PM

Subject: Re: Information regarding the children

22) After the assault, Alex clearly stated that the molestation had been a one-time occurrence. They had played doctor previously, but with no molestation, no pain, no assault. Alex was unequivocal about this with me, despite repeated questioning, with the police, and with the DA's office, all within a week of the event having occurred. When he met with you more than a month afterwards, you indicate that he told you otherwise. I understand that it is fairly common for traumatic events to become distorted in a young child's mind once time has past, and if questions are asked in a particular way. This was why the DA's office was so insistent that no one speak to Alex about the event prior to their professional interview with him; this is why they video-taped the interview, and this is why, prior to trial, the DA's office has asked that no one discuss the events with Alex. I believed Alex's initial disclosure to me, to the police, and to the DA; I question the changes in detail that you indicate were disclosed by Alex to you over a month later. I believe Alex is quite confused about the event now, as opposed to the clarity with which he viewed and described it in its immediate aftermath.

I know for a fact that it is common for children, and for women, to not want to admit the details of what happened until they feel safe to tell them; and that sometimes takes the right time and the right place. The DA’s office was more concerned with punishing the children who assaulted you and keeping their case then you yourself. I also knew that your mother would not believe me when I told her what you would tell me, so that is why I recorded it. I also transcribed it. Your mother has a copy of the recording on a CD and she has a copy of the transcription. Despite that she still believed that you were confused about what had happened. I have a blog that has everything that you told me in the “Alex dialogs.”

You told me those boys had done things from the “very first day” and I recorded what you said. Notice your mother says “I understand that it is fairly common for traumatic events to become distorted in a young child's mind once time has past.” What she is saying is that you were confused when you were telling me this. The problem for your mother is that if what you said was true, then she was responsible for what had happened because she should have never allowed those boys to have played with you by themselves without supervision and protection. All I wanted was for someone, a professional forensic psychologist and the Judge to listen to your tapes and ask YOU about it. I could not afford to pay the money for a psychologist to do that job, but your mother had the money – she did not want to do it because she was more afraid of what would happen to her then finding out the truth of what happened to you.

Your mother did three things very wrong: 1) she did not protect you as was her responsibility; 2) she did not inform me as soon as it happened so that I could be there for you as a father should be for his children in such a situation – what she did was against the law. And 3) she did not want to face the truth of what had really happened because she was a afraid for herself: she was afraid of what people would think of her for being such an irresponsible mother for not having protected you and cared for you as she should have.

The Judges did something also very wrong: they simply did not care enough about a five year old to use their power to protect him. They should have done everything in their power to have investigated the truth about what had happened, that was all I was trying to get them to do: to listen and pay attention to what you had said, to hear you and to take what you had said into account. Family Court Judges are supposed to always act “in the best interest of the children” and yet they were not even willing to hear what the children had to say. This I believed then, and this I believe now to be wrong.

One of the most important things about having these incidents investigated is that you be treated by a specialist, by a child psychologist specializing in such types of abuse. I know this because it is the work that I have done and do and it is what I am trained to do. Plus, I gave your CD to supervisors of mine who all agreed that you needed therapy in order to help prevent any possible damage to your future mental health. Understand this: if you get cut by a nail you need a tetanus shot. It is the same with “mental accidents” – we call them ‘traumas’ – they can get “infected” in your mind if they are not treated properly. You were supposed to have been treated, one of the Judges ordered a psychological evaluation, but he left the case and the next Judge simple believed your mother when she said she had to no money to pay: how does she have over $100,000 US to pay for lawyers but not $8,000 to pay for her son’s mental health, especially given that it is for something that happened only because she was not properly caring for you.

If you can understand these things, then you can understand the reasoning for my battle and why I have had to do the things I have done. There are other things. And you can find that information, but I will only talk to you guys about the things that are directly related to you.

I must go and get on with my day. It is now 11:47 AM and I have been back and forth from the computer while I wrote this. I also created a couple of more blogs and uploaded more information. The world must know what the Judges have done wrong so that other children do not suffer in the future. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said: “All that has to happen for evil to prevail is that good men do nothing.” He also said that “If a man has not found something worth dying for he is not fit to live.” You must understand such things if you are to understand your ancestors, which is to say, if you are to know who you are.

I love you both very dearly.

Shiken haramitsu daikomyo!